I want to just unload the anger, frustration and sadness that I am holding inside as one gigantic scream. I want to unleash it all, into the silence, so that it is carried off and away.
The last year or more of my life has been a very arduous journey. There was never going to be an easy out or a happy ending, because that's not what life is about. I am not saying that life is never happy, just that certain experiences have to be soul-breaking or you can't grow from them. But my soul is so completely wasted that I don't know if I have anything left.
The transition of emotions that I have felt over this time period has been boggling; from anger, to sadness, to hope, back to anger and numbness, with a smidge of hope thrown back in there. I can't begin to explain it because I don't quite understand myself, but somewhere over this mindfuck of a trip I started to gain some faith in my life, and although it hasn't been one of daily diligence, it has at least restored some forgiveness in humanity.
I am angry and hurt that the blame for someone else's actions have been laid upon my shoulders. But I regret nothing in my decision. I will not stand idly by while knowing someone is abusing their power and that someone else is allowing it to happen, especially when this is happening in the very environment that I chose to work.
Meddling is no more the work of Satan then wantonly pursuing a married man, seducing him then tossing him aside for another married man. There is no sin in choosing to do the right thing.
I want to sleep for a thousand years and wake up when the world is born anew when hopefully, I am too.
At least I can dream.
picture provided by DeviantArt.com
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