Contented Cuckold

I decided to do a little research into adultery, as I myself am confused as to how to define it. Yes, it most certainly involves a breach of trust against your spouse/loved one. But if there is not sex involved, is it cheating? If your mate did it because they were curious, is it cheating? If they used the other party merely to satisfy this curiosity, is it cheating? And if they never intending to leave you, is it cheating.

I should preface the results by sharing my personal opinion on the matter. A year ago I would have probably said, "Cheating is final, once that trust is broken, you can't go back". But I've had alot to think about regarding the issue and my definition has thusly changed.

I plucked my husband young, and in doing so I claimed him as my own; nobody was to ever have him. But is that fair, given that I have had sexual experiences before he entered my life? Is it selfish to expect him NOT to feel what it is like to have another partner? The answer is so crazy, yet very logical. I believe that we, as humans, have a primal need to experience multiple partners. The carnality of sex is pure instinct. That's not to say, "fuck marriage, fuck vows, just go out and fuck whomever you please". But I am very open to sharing the experience with my husband.

It is because of this view that I am finding it very difficult to wrap my brain around what emotion I am supposed to be having about the affair. Yes, I am hurt, very hurt. Angry? No. I didn't even hate the other woman when she sent me a vile email. And yet I find myself wishing she would just disappear, so that my husband and I can move on. I just want to be able to put the past away and start on a future.

When my ex-husband cheated and left me, I was beyond devastated. I could barely function for months and I never want to go back there again. But this time was different, the circumstances, the people, me. Through all the shit, I still have my husband standing there holding his arms open for me and it's a strange sensation because I fully expected him to leave.

It is undeniable the effects a betrayal has on one's psyche, especially if you have already experienced it.

From Wikipedia:

Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who is sexually involved with a married person is also considered an adulterer. The common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. It was also known in earlier times by the legalistic term "alienation of affection".[1]
The sexual partner of a person committing adultery is often referred to in legal documents (especially divorce proceedings) as a co-respondent, while the person whose spouse has been unfaithful is often labeled a cuckold; originally, the latter term was applied only to males, but in more recent times women have been characterized in this way too.

I find the following passage a little more relevant to what would be ideal in my situation:

A marriage in which both spouses agree that it is acceptable to have sexual relationships with other people is termed open marriage and the resulting sexual relationships, though still adulterous, are not treated as such by the spouses. Sometimes only one party in an open marriage will opt to have other sexual relationships, in which case the one who does not do so is referred to as a wittol, sometimes called a "contented cuckold".

Now I am weeding through all the painful, emotional shit so that we can get to the point where I say, "okay, honey, go out a fuck her". I just don't know if I will ever be able to say that.

If only she had had the balls to come to me directly, instead of hiding behind my husband and her rambling letter, we might have gotten to the point where I would have been a "contented cuckold".

I guess we'll never know.